marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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