I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
