I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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