Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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