yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
