I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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