did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
