i used baking grease as lip gloss
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
