So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
