nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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