my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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