"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
