rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
