Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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