the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
