just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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