Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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