how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
