as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
