before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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