grandma shit on top of the toilet
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize