I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
