is your mom at the bar?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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