i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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