the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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