Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
