Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
