she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
