I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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