Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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