I accidentally had phone sex last night
She said her name was "party"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
