Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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