If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
