YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
