duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
