and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
