Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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