If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What drink are we having for lunch?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
you never un-have a 4some
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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