i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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