Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
