I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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