You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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