my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
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Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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