I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
