please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
