I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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