you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
