The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
