you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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