I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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