You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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