i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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