I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
