$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
