Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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