It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
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One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
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i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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