I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
