I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize