you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
