so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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