I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize