I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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