TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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