im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
