there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
