Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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