Jerry, you need to find god
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
