Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
