Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
