Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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