the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
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Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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