The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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